


dusting off dusty ghosts

by jongdae (babykibum)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Foul Language, Gen, a bit crude i guess, absolute crack, jongdae is a ghost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 16:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11063253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babykibum/pseuds/jongdae
Summary: Among the many dusty ghosts in Baekhyun’s new flat unit, there’s Jongdae… the ghost.Or, how Baekhyun gets himself acquainted with a very naked ghost.





	dusting off dusty ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> i found this in the depth of my Shitty Things folder, and thus please don't take this seriously. there is no plot whatsoever. basically just the moment when baekhyun meets jongdae the naked ghost, or jongdae the naked ghost welcoming the newcomer baekhyun. this is an absolute crack. no proofreading done.

 

Baekhyun has just thanked the helper guys for carrying his boxes and things too large to fit into boxes into his new flat unit when a strong wind from outside gusts in, and the many dusts on every surface and corner of the space start dancing around. Baekhyun’s terribly allergic to dusts, mind you, so as soon as this happens he sneezes once, twice and sneezes for another eleven times in consequence before he walks over to his new sink (which is not really clean) and runs the tap and splashes his face with icy cold water. He does this over and over until his eyes feel like it would stop watering, and his nose is sore from sneezing but actually stops from sneezing.

His face is wet now and Baekhyun hasn’t even unpack anything yet so he takes hold of the hem of his shirt and brings it up to wipe his face and blows snot into it. There’s no one to care if Baekhyun is being disgusting right now. It’s probably somewhere midafternoon now though, and Baekhyun has been at this moving in business for hours since the morning. But this is a place too new for Baekhyun, the neighborhood too different and the town too foreign for him to know if there’s any restaurant doing delivery nearby.

So that’s settle it then: Baekhyun will have to unpack the box with his very little cutlery things first along with the box with his packets of ramen.

Luckily Baekhyun has put labels to the boxes and he easily finds his pot, rinses it twice before filling it with tap water and bringing it to boil over the stove in his new kitchen. His kitchen is small, in fact the whole flat unit is small it’s basically a shoebox. But that also means rent is not expensive and for now, Baekhyun can only afford not expensive.

He graduated from university about seven months ago and consequently joined the massive unemployment pool with student loans to pay right after. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you see it, Baekhyun is able to pick up odd jobs like waiting table at night and working the till at a bookshop by day. You see, Baekhyun is a hard working guy with amazing work ethic so he strives to do whatever he can right now. Work might be shit but Baekhyun has got to live. But even with two jobs it’s still difficult to have enough if he wants to pay rent, indulge himself with some kind of luxuries every now and then (which translates to ice creams and expensive coffees), and put aside some for emergency. Not to forget, possibly paying back his student loans.

So Baekhyun opted for a cheaper unit even when it’s a little far away from his workplaces, but transport money won’t be too much of a difference. This way, he gets to save more. And Baekhyun wants to save more for himself, in case he ever needs the money.

Baekhyun is officially an adult.

He brings the pot of cooked ramen to his new and tiny kitchen table strictly meant for two and inhales his food. When he does check his phone for the time afterwards, it’s actually already five in the afternoon. Wherever did the time go, Baekhyun doesn’t really mind.

He starts to unpack with a towel tied around his face to avoid the dusts and get to work of placing his things in his new place. He does this until all the boxes are emptied, until he’s making a home out of this previously empty space and the brightness outside has changed into crawling darkness.

This is probably when Baekhyun’s life starts to change.

Baekhyun never used to mind the lack of daylight with the quietness that can make him feel so alone. He really does like his own space. But maybe it’s the unfamiliar place and its quietness when it’s dark out that feels palpable that makes his nerves jump at every little creak that sounds. And just like that, Baekhyun thinks, just like that his new home goes from an empty unit into a unit full of odd sounds. Baekhyun’s not a fan of it, especially now when it wakes goosebumps along his arms and Baekhyun is frowning at a particular corner of his new home, about to dust away all the remains of gathering dusts before he-

“Nah,” Baekhyun says aloud, shaking his head sideways. He’s probably just imagining it. He’s been going about all day. He’s tired and sticky with sweat and he smells an awful lot. And Baekhyun is really, really tired, he convinced himself of this, so he turns around and leaves the corner with its dusty ghosts for tonight.

Baekhyun is going to sleep in his bare new room, the only other room in his shoebox home honestly (the flat unit consists of a tiny bedroom, and a living room/kitchen, and an even tinier washroom with just enough space for a shower head and a toilet bowl). There is only the mattress on the floor, the small bundles of his clothing in a basket in a corner and other odd personal fixtures scattered around, and Baekhyun is just going to close his eyes.

He’s going to sleep.

 

                ;

 

The thing about working behind the till at a bookshop is that it gets boring. Baekhyun expects this when he applies for the job but DO Bookshop exceeds his expectation way beyond the horizon of dying from boredom. Baekhyun is dead asleep before even noon (and he only needs to open the shop at eight in the morning!), slumping in his oh so comfy armchair that he drags from the bookshop reading corner to behind the till. The owner, a small man in mid-thirties with large eyes and thick eyebrows, never really minded Baekhyun behaving this way when he finally figures out where the armchair went missing to. Baekhyun thinks he’s just glad that there is someone as promising as Baekhyun to stay working the lazy register when everyone else would already opt out by their second month.

But the bottom line is that Baekhyun is dead asleep right now in the comfy armchair before noon hits the day. And to top it all, Baekhyun is dreaming about his new flat and its dusty ghosts in the form of a smile so much like the Cheshire cat’s grinning at him from a wall corner.

Baekhyun jolts awake, slaps himself in the face twice and bolts right up when he sees someone right in front of him.

A customer has been waiting for him to wake up, apparently, judging from his bored expression and the way he’s leaning forward on the till, arms folded atop two books that have been placed on the cashier table. A boba tea drink leaves a wet circle on the table. Baekhyun eyes the offending item in distaste. The bookshop clearly has multiple signs telling people to not bring in any sort of food or drink into the vicinity.

But Baekhyun swallows his retort. He’s been sleeping at his job.

“Congratulations on finally waking up,” said bored customer in an equally bored and unamused voice. Baekhyun clears his throat.

“Sorry,” He mutters under his breath. He takes the books, _Sound of the Trees_ and _The Dirt Covering Earth_ , hides his snort but dutifully scans the barcodes and reads the total.

Bored Customer leaves with his purchase and boba tea drink in hand, at which its stain has shaped into a smiling curve. Baekhyun is once again reminded of Cheshire’s smile, hanging on a corner. He hastily wipes the condensation off the surface with his sleeve before coming out from behind the till and make rounds inside the shop just to check if everything is in place. Owner Do is a nice man but if something is missing from its respective shelf, it’ll be on Baekhyun’s paycheck and Baekhyun _lives_ by paychecks.

He will not fall asleep on his job ever again and dream about strange smiles and wall corners.

            

    ;

 

By the time Baekhyun has clocked out from waiting tables and cleaning up, it’s close to one in the morning. This is normal routine for Baekhyun though, but coming to his new flat at one thirty and sneezing right after he steps inside is _not_.

There is something peculiar about this unit, Baekhyun is sure of it. He flicks on the light and the sudden brightness almost plays a trick to his sight. He braves forward. The creaks greet him as he takes another step inside, and another step, and another and another. The furthest wall corner seems dimmer than any other area of the space. Baekhyun swerves right, shakes his head, chants _nope nope nope_ in his mind and goes to brushing his teeth instead by the sink in the kitchen.

“I’m just tired,” Baekhyun mutters to himself, the sound muffled by foams of toothpaste. He turns around, leaning his hip against the counter and staring at the corner. It’s still dusty because Baekhyun hasn’t got the chance to clean it. He could feel an itch in his nose just by looking at it.

Quickly, he turns back around, spits the toothpaste out and rinses his mouth. Baekhyun has made his mind. He’s going to dust away all its ghosts to hell right about now.

With duster clutched in his right hand, Baekhyun walks determinedly to the corner. He contemplates it for a while, cocking his head to the left, right hip juts out like he’s about to scold someone. He probably is.

“Alright, dusty ghost,” says Baekhyun, voice somewhat small. He does not tremble, he swears! “It’s time for you to go away.” He’s just about raise the duster and sweeps the thick layers of dusts away when-

Baekhyun shrieks with his whole body, throwing the duster away and falling onto his bum. That fucking Cheshire’s smile has materialized right in front of him, along with… well, the complete human anatomy. It’s a _ghost._ Better yet, it’s a buck naked _male_ ghost. Baekhyun is not sane enough right now to accept it. He’s not sure if he can feel offended looking at a hanging, dead penis right now. But that’s not what’s important right now.

“Wh-what are you.” Baekhyun tries to say, blinks his eyes multiple times in rapid succession as he focuses on this- “A ghost,” he answers himself breathily. His nose is itchy, his eyes have started to water and Baekhyun really, really don’t want to start sneezing now. It’s the fucking dusty ghost now, isn’t it.

“Yeah, that’s right,” the ghost says, shrugging his shoulders as if this isn’t a big deal at all. As if him appearing in front of Baekhyun from thin air is not shocking at all.

Baekhyun exhales loudly. The ghost is very thin, now that Baekhyun is processing this whole naked-ghost-situation in his head. And he is hovering close to Baekhyun, and it’s not that he looks scary to be honest; he looks like a normal person. A naked person, to be precise. And there’s no blood or gaping wounds or ugly scars to make him look scary.  The ghost seems solid! But that doesn’t throw away the fact he’s a ghost.

And said naked ghost is talking to Baekhyun.

“Yesterday was just an introduction,” the ghost gives him a telltale smile. “I think we should get formally acquainted now that you’re making a home of this place.”

Baekhyun sneezes, and shrieks again. He makes a quick grab at the duster lying not far from him and points it towards the ghost. Threatening the ghost with his duster, he tries to crawl backward away while facing the ghost, but it’s useless. Baekhyun wants to cry. His elbows are too weak to carry him right now and his legs too weak to push him backward, his failing body has already met its doom. Baekhyun is facing his doom.

“Don’t- don’t come near m-me,” Baekhyun warns, still inching away from the ghost, inch by slow inch. It’s pathetic, Baekhyun admits, this whole situation is making him pathetic.

By now, the ghost is right above Baekhyun, swooping down fast until his face is just a breath away from Baekhyun’s. Baekhyun presses flat onto the floor. He feels impossibly cold. He’s not sure if it’s the ghost- ghosts bring along coldness, don’t they? Or maybe it’s the fact that Baekhyun is so scared shitless that he’s drain from all of his blood. This ghost is stealing his warmth, and he’s staring right into Baekhyun. He’s so, so close now and Baekhyun just can’t seem to shut his eyes.

Naked Ghost opens his mouth wide.

“Boo!”

Baekhyun faints. He probably pees himself too.

 

                ;

 

Baekhyun has always been afraid of ghosts. Sure, he’s never encountered one before- before Naked Ghost, that is- but he’s just never been fond of the idea of ghosts, even if someone has convinced him that ghosts don’t exist. Baekhyun is afraid of ghosts, real or not, period. So it’s understandable that when Baekhyun finally meets one, he faints multiple times before his consciousness becomes tired of his unconsciousness and sets his eyes open wide to see Things Baekhyun Is Afraid Of, Such As Ghosts.

 “Ugh, you stink,” Naked Ghost makes a disgusted face. He’s back to his corner. Baekhyun can’t believe he has already labelled the corner as the Ghost’s Corner. Baekhyun is still lying flat on his floor and decidedly wet on the bottom half of his body, and he stinks. He reeks of the odour of his own pee. Baekhyun mirrors the ghost’s expression, throws his arm over his eyes and groans.

“You are not real,” Baekhyun says. “I’ve been too tired these days I’m imagining things.”

 “I am way too real, excuse you,” Naked Ghost says, sounding offended. His voice is also way too near for Baekhyun’s comfort that he steals a peek and sees Naked Ghost is hovering right above him again, naked legs and Naked Everything right in Baekhyun’s peripheral view.

“Fuck,” Baekhyun says with feeling and promptly shuts his eyes again.

“We can’t, sweetheart,” tuts Naked Ghost. “But enjoy the view nevertheless.”

When Baekhyun throws his arm away and opens his eyes determinedly, Naked Ghost has taken it to himself to shake his whole body above Baekhyun that his dead penis makes a good impression of a flying chopper, his dead balls swaying merrily with the rhythm. Just what in the world has Baekhyun done to deserve this A+ shit shoved in his face?

“How come you’re naked?” he hears himself asking, frowning at this maniac ghost. This ghost is terrorising him with a _penis_.

Naked Ghost stops shaking his dead penis, walks over –more like, floats away, to Baekhyun’s only worn out couch in the middle of the room and plops down. “First impression matters, they say. I haven’t seen any other souls for years. Figure I could make a grand entrance.”

Baekhyun rolls over to his front with great effort and props himself on his elbows. He eyes Naked Ghost with some kind of disbelief and distrust and grabs his duster again, just in case.

“Also, because I know you won’t be scared of me for too long if I appear naked. I mean, a naked ghost, can you believe it? It’s rather funny,” Naked Ghost grins and winks at Baekhyun. “See, you’re not screaming and fainting anymore. Also, get rid of that hideous duster. I am not fond of getting dusted away.”

Well. Baekhyun does feel less scared now. In fact, he’s more amused than anything.

“Huh,” says Baekhyun and proceeds to throw the duster with all his might towards the ghost. Unsurprisingly, it flies right through Naked Ghost, who gives Baekhyun the stink eye.

“Aren’t you a happy pill.” Naked Ghost growls, his voice suddenly dipped into a low timbre. Baekhyun’s lights start to flicker. It’s fucking scary. Baekhyun is suddenly back to being in a Very Scary Scenario.

He feels himself gone pale again and cold sweat begins to form under his armpits. Well fucking done, Baekhyun. His fear of ghosts resurfaces and spikes through the roof. No provoking ghosts! His mind screams at him. Even if said ghost is very proud of showcasing his penis!

“S-sorry,” he stammers, and shivers. He’s still wet on his bottom and it’s cold. The lights stay on.

Naked Ghost lets out a long sigh, like he’s so done with Baekhyun. He stands up and floats over to where Baekhyun is, still on the floor absorbing his own pee, and gets down. Naked Ghost sits in front of Baekhyun with crisscrossed legs, his hands politely covering his crotch area.

“Look, you don’t want to make me mad,” Naked Ghost says, staring intently at Baekhyun. Baekhyun gulps audibly and tries not to flinch at the sound. “I don’t like myself too when I’m mad. The anger gets the better of me. So, don’t make me mad, got it?”

Baekhyun nods, eyes blinking furiously.

Seemingly satisfied with Baekhyun’s response, Naked Ghost leans back on his arms, which unfortunately means that his penis is back at staring at Baekhyun shamelessly. Baekhyun makes a futile effort not to steal glances at it.

“Okay, now that we are civil with each other, I’m Jongdae.”

Baekhyun’s eyes snap back up towards Naked Ghost’s face. Or Jongdae’s face.

Naked Ghost has a name, and it’s Jongdae. Baekhyun commits it to his memory. His first ghost, and hopefully his last, is called Jongdae. Now that there’s a name attached to this ghost, Baekhyun is somehow… just reminded that this ghost is once a person. Every ghost is a person before they die, right? And this ghost… This Jongdae looks terrifyingly thin, like he hasn’t been eating for a long while. Which is true, maybe, considering that he’s a ghost and therefor dead, but still.

Jongdae’s face is pale with sunken cheeks and prominent cheekbones. His lips are dry and chapped. His eyes seem hollow somehow, even when nothing is actually missing from the sockets. His skin is also probably rough, not that Baekhyun will try to touch him. And his shoulders are so prominent his bones jut out. His _collarbones_ are jutting out. Baekhyun’s closes his eyes and shakes his head. He does not want to know what happened to Jongdae. Every ghost has a story, a past, right?

“Hey, tell me your name,” Jongdae says quietly.

Baekhyun stares down at the floor, his hair falling down and obscuring his sight in messy waves. He huffs out, counts to ten backwards and then forwards until he’s somewhat calm and sane. He’s conversing with a ghost. He’s exchanging names with a ghost.

 A pale toe comes into view. Baekhyun inhales sharply.

“Baekhyun,” he offers quickly to the floor.

And then Jongdae the Naked Ghost suddenly appears right under Baekhyun’s nose, staring up at Baekhyun. Baekhyun’s too shell shocked by the close proximity, and the sharp piercing of Jongdae’s gaze, that he’s frozen in his spot. His shoulders tense. Baekhyun really, really should get up from the floor but he can’t _move._

“Baekhyun,” Jongdae says seriously. His eyes look solemn. “You need to help me.”

Fuck. Of course Jongdae is one of those ghosts who needs someone’s help to get his business done in this reality plane before he leaves the hell out of this hole and jumps over to the afterlife. Baekhyun holds his breath. He is not a fucking medium. He’s scared of ghosts, for fuck’s sake. He is in no position to understand ghosts and going around mending relationships left behind by dead persons.

“Baekhyun,” Jongdae calls out again. Baekhyun is still staring down at him.

“Why,” Baekhyun asks weakly.

“Help me,” Jongdae whispers this time, ominous aura radiating off him. Baekhyun can _feel_ it. “You need to help me.”

Baekhyun shuts his eyes and dares himself to move away slowly from Jongdae. His elbows are already sore from holding himself up. He scoots away, and away until-

“You’re not getting away from this, Baekhyun,” Jongdae says to his right ear. Baekhyun stills. The goosebumps are back on his arms. He’s not going to look, and forces himself to keep his eyes close.

“I’m not going to disappear just because you refuse to look at me.”

“Go away,” Baekhyun says anyway. “Please.”

“No. Not until you-“

“I can’t help you, for God’s sake!” Baekhyun shouts blindly at what he assumes is Jongdae.

There’s suddenly silence so pronounced that Baekhyun starts thinking of the worst. Perhaps he’s managed to make Jongdae angry again. That realization sends a chill down his spine. Maybe Baekhyun will die tonight. Ghosts kill too, don’t they? Baekhyun tries to remember his life and yet what flashes in his mind is Owner Do having to open his bookshop by himself in the morning, wondering where his trustworthy worker has gone to. Baekhyun hasn’t even started paying his student loans—there is no secure paychecks for him to start doing so, even with two odd jobs on hand. He’s going to leave behind monetary debts and Baekhyun feels so pathetic right now.

And all because he’s angered a ghost. A fucking naked ghost. The hilarity of the situation is so ridiculous it makes Baekhyun wants to cry. His shoulders jerk and a wail threatens to spill out from his mouth. Baekhyun is going to bemoan his fate right about now.

“Fuck,” he manages shakily, and then Jongdae starts laughing.

A shrill, terrifying laugh that actually makes Baekhyun’s lights go on and off again. Baekhyun’s sure his scared metre explodes. He’s _that_ terrified. He drops down to the floor and presses his palms against his ears. Baekhyun’s very near to peeing himself again too.

Jongdae’s thundering laughter goes on for a while until-

“Okay, don’t pee again. I can see you trying to hold it in,” Jongdae says after a while, his laughter ending. “Shit, Baekhyun. I was joking. I only meant for you to start taking care of yourself and clean your damn pee. This place is going to reek of it if you don’t start cleaning and this is my place too, mind you. I’ve been living here way before you came in yesterday. So help me, Baekhyun, and clean this mess.”

What the fuck, Baekhyun’s mind supplies, body still trembling. He stares at Jongdae, who’s currently flying round and round the small room so fast Baekhyun swears the wind whistles. It’s very creepy. A ghost is haunting his home! Jongdae’s penis sticks to his inner right thigh as he flies about. What the actual fuck.

“What the actual fuck,” says Baekhyun aloud.

Jongdae, still flying fast in circle, whistles an eerie tune along with the wind. Then he starts chanting a Very Horrible Chant that doesn’t make sense whatsoever, but horrible it is. Baekhyun is staring at Real Horror in Real Horror.

 

“ _Boiling kettle gives out a wee_

_I make myself some hot tea_

_Baekhyun’s willy gives out some pee_

_Just ‘cause he sees my pale willy_ ”

 

Baekhyun cannot believe he has come to the point in this life where he is being humiliated by a ghost. Granted, not many have been humiliated by a ghost but that’s beside the point. The point is that Baekhyun has reached the point in his life where nothing makes sense and he’s going insane. There is nothing sane at all about this moment.

Jongdae is still flying about chanting that stupid, offensive chant and Baekhyun is so done right now; he’s no longer in his right mind. How could you after being terrorised by a ghost? You lost your damn mind, that’s what.

Baekhyun turns around gingerly and slips off his wet trousers, wipes his remaining pee with his wet trousers (God, just what has he been reduced to), and then stands up on shaky legs to finally go to his toilet to dump his wet, pee-soaked trousers. This place doesn’t even lend him a washing machine. Baekhyun doesn’t _own_ a washing machine. He will have to do it by hand. Maybe Baekhyun should have burn this humiliation but he can’t afford to buy a nice new pair of trousers, so Baekhyun lays it down gently on his toilet’s floor, mourning for its once pristine condition, untainted with urine.

He still hears Jongdae chanting in the living room. Baekhyun takes deep breath. He doesn’t count this time. Instead, he just bellows out loud and clear.

“Make yourself wear some fucking clothes, asshole!”

His only reply is Jongdae laughing merrily. Baekhyun’s life is doomed to be haunted by a stupid, dusty ghost.

 

 


End file.
